I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
should my penis look like a turkey
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
