don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
