Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
