Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Just invented taco cereal.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
