Farmville is her only friend.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
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