We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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