I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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