Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
