when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
cat food counts as protein by the way
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
