so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
