I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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