so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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