How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
