Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Randomize