i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
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