I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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