On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
