is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
