got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
