Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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