Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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