he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
