Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
