I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
