Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize