I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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