i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
