is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
