Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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