Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
