toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
