You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Randomize
