I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Randomize
