after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
