Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
