Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
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