Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
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So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
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No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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