someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
