just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
