I feel like abortions should bother me more
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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