so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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