Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
