actually, I'm a sock model
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
