Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
