Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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