Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
