I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
