I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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