im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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