remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
