So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
he shaved USA in his pubs
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
