eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
