So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Randomize
