god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Randomize
