He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
