I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
