I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
