Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
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