apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
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