We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
