My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
