you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Randomize
