this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
