Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I got inside last night via doggy door
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
