Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
my being single is dangerous.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
