oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
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