is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Randomize
