The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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