Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
